Hi, I’m Fido. I’m in the doghouse (literally locked in my kennel) because of a bit of summertime mischief involving my four feline housemates pictured in this oil painting by Ellen Hosafros. Let me explain.

According to the Ancient Greeks, the star Sirius (part of the Canis Major constellation) made dogs misbehave during the summer’s hottest weather. I can relate—I get a little whack-a-doodle when it’s hot and humid…sometimes I chase my tail, other times I collapse on the floor with my tongue hanging out and my eyes rolling back. I’m a good boy but my felonious feline sisters (Snowball, Tiger, Pounce, and Althea who was named for the Greek mythological queen of Calydon) are rotten to the core. Althea is so mean I call her The Murder Weapon.

Mom loves these cats, even though they steal my toys, sleep in my bed, lay in my food bowl, and eat my treats. Murder Weapon is the worst! Her biggest thrill is to whack my nose with her razor-like claws as she zooms by on the Rumba robotic vacuum. Mom thinks she's hilarious. Meanwhile, the only attention I get as a victim of Murder Weapon’s crimes is a pat on the head and an off-handed, "Who's a good boy?"

One hot day this good boy finally got revenge on those cats. It began when I found them curled up on the rocks in Mom’s prized landscaping. The cats, who were high on catnip, were lethargic. They ignored me. Looking at the fresh soil, my revenge plan began to take shape. I aimed my behind at the cats and began to dig. And dig. And dig. And dig. And dig. In seconds everything but their heads was covered with topsoil! Then I noticed the garden hose! I grabbed the hose between my teeth and sprayed the cats, and voila! I created a mud-compacted four-headed cat sculpture! Mount Catmore! Who’s a good boy? I am! No matter how much they clawed and wiggled, Snowball, Tiger, Pounce and Murder Weapon couldn’t escape from their mud prison. I was free!

Unfortunately, Mom didn't share my enthusiasm. Between the dug-up landscaping, the shrieking cats (Murder Weapon was the loudest—in the painting she’s the one with the open mouth and big fangs), I got in deep doo-doo. No matter how much I wagged my tail and looked sorry, Mom stayed mad. She locked me in my kennel in the laundry room for the rest of the afternoon. To add insult to injury, Murder Weapon chased my tennis ball past my cage and made obscene gestures at me with her tail. The other three cats stared down over the edge of the washing machine with their evil slitted eyes. Am I sorry for my Dog Days of Summer cat-sculpture caper? Well, only because I got caught. Woof woof!

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